It’s Friday and Your Boss Is a Total Tool

A “tool” is a loser, a wanna-be. A tool, usually a male, could also be described as a “poser”–someone who acts soooo coooool that he almost has the world tricked.  But, then a real cool person comes along and assures us that the individual in question is, in fact, a tool.  How, you ask, does the tool make such a convincing case for his false coolness?  Usually by berating others and kicking on the little guy.  You remember someone like this from high school, right?  At the time, he was very convincing but now, in your wisdom, you can look back and recognize that it was his insecurity that made him toss freshman into lockers–not his alleged coolness. shutterstock_22637446

Most tools get out of high school and, sometimes college, only to realize that they’re really not so cool and they may even take a few beatings themselves.  By professional life, most tools outgrow this nonsensical camouflage.  And the ones who don’t?  In some organizations, they’re promoted.  That’s right, in some worlds, where I am thankful not to live, the biggest tools take the day and are promoted as a result of their obnoxious conduct.  Why this is, truly, is beyond me. 

Maybe you’ve been wondering whether your boss is a tool.  Maybe you’ve suspected it for quite some time.  If so, you can take the following test, created by male-fashion blogger extraordinnaire, MagnificientBastard, and find out. Only MB uses the term “toolbag,” which leadership blog, What Would Dad Say, defines “men who are clueless, inappropriate and overall doofuses.”  (And, for the record with regard to the tool-toolbag debate, I’m not discrediting the use of the term “toolbag, I’m just sticking with “tool” as my preferred term, ok?)  

Here’s how to tell if your boss is a toolbag:

1. He takes credit for everything you do.

2. He walks around the meeting with a baseball bat, asking if anyone saw the movie Untouchables.

3. He steals money from the coffee jar.

4. He is all gushy about you to your wife, and asks her to call him if you get upset at him.

5. He demands the project be completed overnight for his 8 am meeting, but then doesn’t show up himself.

6. He broke down, cried and asked “why don’t they like me?”

7. He wanted everyone to dress like a pilgrim at Thanksgiving.

8. He monitors phone calls.

9. He brings in his kids’ grade school artwork and asks for your honest opinion.

10. He puts you down for ten boxes of Girl Scout cookies because “everyone else is buying this much.”

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